Precious Roy Products

From Sockheads

Sifl and Olly are paid spokesmen for "The Precious Roy Home Shopping Network." In the middle of each show they break to attempt to sell a strange product to the viewers. These products are either seemingly impossible (bottomless pool) or a mundane object being sold as something new and amazing (The Ass-Lift 800 is a rubber band). Note that the "Number Sold" for each product fluctuates wildly over the course of the advertisement, even decreasing.

A
All-purpose juicer
All-purpose muzzle
Ass-Lift 800
ATM card
B
Bottomless pool
Blackhole Vacuum Cleaner
C
Cannibal Cookbook
CAT-scan goggles
Chicken Flavored Air-Conditioning
Civil War corpses
D
“Dangerous Don’t” Dolls
Defrosted Cro-Magnon slaves
Disaster suit
E
Edible sandals
Electric cigarettes
Electric teeth whitening system
Elf Hotel
F
Foot-long hamsters
G
Genius-in-a-Box Kit
Ghost Night School
H
Hickey Doohickey
Home Pregnancy Test
Hooker monkeys
I
Insta Jerky
J
K
L
Laser Peeler
Lice Monkeys
Luxury Coffin
M
Magnetic babysitter
Miracle dirt
Mood tooth
Mr. Ptootie Head
My Little Narc
N
Natural pest control
Night vision goggles
O
P
Parrot tranquilizers
Pet Piercer
Pet power plant
Pirate crippler
Pocket rancher
Pregnancy test
Q
R
Redneck in a Briefcase
S
Sasquatch feeder
Scare-hooker
Security landscaping
Self-defense kit
Squirrel zapper
T
TV diapers
U
V
W
Wicker Condoms
X
Y
Z